I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
