my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
