We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Someone came in the potted fern
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
