My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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