If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
