You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
