All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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