I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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