So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
