Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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