Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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