ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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