jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
