Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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