my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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