I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
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and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
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when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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