I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
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