I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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