Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
