I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
