New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize