My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
