well he's currently spooning the coffee table
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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