My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The beer is more important than you right now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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