Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Alive.
So much puke
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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