My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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