Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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