hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i came on her dog
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
