I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
