No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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