My liver just broke up with me...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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