even my farts smell like vagina
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
