I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
