She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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