walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
