You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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