No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
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I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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