hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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