so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
