I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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