so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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