Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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