is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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