I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
