I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
