My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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