ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
