so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
