Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need to calm my uterus...
I have post one night stand depression
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