So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
