Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
