Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
