She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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