I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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