so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
