We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I want is dick and wine.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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