legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
