It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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