just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
