Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
