Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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