so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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