She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
