so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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